My entire life I have been a “sucker” for anything revolving around Greek and Roman mythology; instead of the fairy tales, bedtime stories most children heard, my father regaled me with the exploits of the Trojan War: Helen of Troy, Paris, Ulysses, Penelope; Zeus, his brother Poseidon, rulers of the sky and the sea. I savored these mythological figures, gods, who when bored, manipulated, played havoc with humans: impregnating, elevating their status to the divine, presenting insurmountable obstacles then disappearing and watching from Olympus as these mere mortals overcame or succumbed to the games, entertainment of these often devious, capricious, wicked gods.
With “The Immortals” my status of “sucker” is now firmly entrenched in the category of “victim” (a euphuism for fool). The story is a bastardized version of legitimate mythology; totally unworthy of an atom of mental energy. If you have to see this film, enjoy the dynamic digitalization; the monumental physique of Henry Cavill as “Theseus” (in actual lore the son of the Athenian King, Aegeus; not the illegitimate child of a raped, disparaged, disgraced peasant); Mickey Rourke (has not visited a barber since “The Wrestler”) is “Hyperion” ( in myth, father of the sun, moon and dawn) a savage, scarred megalomaniac, cursing the gods for the death of his wife and son, slaughtering, castrating, maiming at whim; Freida Pinto (“Slumdog Millionaire”) beautiful but pathetic as “Phaedra” the oracle whose visions save and eventually win the heart of Theseus.
The Titians ruled the universe and gave birth to the gods; they were huge, formidable, possessing astronomical strength and power; Cronus was the ruler until his son Zeus, (Jupiter in Roman mythology) dethroned him; the genesis of the “Iliad” and the “Odyssey”; literature that resonates exponentially with repeated exposure.
No longer will it require Herculean fortitude to shun any film that dares to corrupt my mythological esthetic ; the Furies, Sirens, Tantalus united, will be impotent, powerless in luring me into another stupid travesty, trampling on my sacred memory of “The Immortals”.
ONE & 1/2 STARS!!